June 13, 2013

The Break-up Symptoms

June , 13, 2013

It all started when I was scrolling down my Twitter timeline and found this quote from The Notebook.

RT @Notebook: I still remember the first time I fell for you, I haven't gotten up since. 

It got me thinking about yesterday chit-chat with my girl friend. It was quite a mellow conversation between me and her. She told me that she misses being in a relationship. Not that she misses her ex-boyfriend, but more to miss the idea of being in a relationship. You know, being loved, being taken care of, having someone you can always run to, someone you can watch latest movie in the cinema with, someone you can hug and suddenly feel secure, well.... you know that stuffs. And honestly, I do too. The idea of being in a relationship could strike us anytime, just like yesterday. It's not like we want to get back together with our ex(es); we clearly understand that it was in the past. Frankly, we are missing the memories, the sensation, the feeling of being in love, NOT THE PERSON.

Truth be told, the longer you are in a relationship, the longer you take to recover from the break up symptom. Why? Simply because you have gathered too many memories. It will play over and over in your mind; looping. It's not like you can avoid the feeling of a broken hearted, and you do know that moving on is not as simple as what they said in those 101-ways-to-mend-your-broken-heart books. So, you might as well get through this phase. In my opinion, this break up symptom has several stages. 

At first, every little things suddenly remind you of him. At some point, you might want to sit at his favorite corner in the coffee shop. You might want to listen to his favorite jazz album even though you used to hate it very much. You might want to wear his T-Shirt to bed just to feel his smell, although you know that T-Shirt has been washed for so many times and there's no way his smell's still there. Everything you used to do with your partner suddenly becomes so memorable. Everything suddenly becomes very important. That's a very natural implication of breaking up and usually it will stay from the first day up to several weeks later.

But after months (or even years!), it slowly changes. Realize it or not, you enter another stage which I described above; the stage which is currently happening to me and my friend, the stage where we miss the idea of being in a relationship. In this stage, you are actually ready to have a new partner. You have successfully moved on and you are 100% ready to be in a relationship with someone new. You might suddenly play a flashback in your mind about your previous love story. You honestly miss to feel the love again, dearly. You might start to feel unreasonably sad you even can't sleep well at night. The idea of being in a relationship haunts you. At this point, people might look down to you and say "She's being too desperate to have a boyfriend!". But whatever, this is post-break up! I clearly understand that it's not the person that we miss. It's just the idea to love and being loved. And yes, it's a natural thing. 

However, we should not rush anything. When the time is right, it will eventually happen. Because you know what they said right? "Fall in love when you're ready, not when you're lonely."

Keep your head up and spread the love!